I feel fucking fantastic!

feeling like a BAMF this morning

oh yeaaaaah

Well, I weighed myself today even though I said I wouldn't, but it was after drinking a full liter of water and fully dressed- 139 lbs. Something about these kinds of cheat-weighs are nice for me. I know it's not accurate, so I can't totally freak out about it.

I've been mixing up my regular abs workout with P90X abs ripper, which has been a good change of pace, although I don't really feel sore from it today. Oh I also ran my 3.5 miles this morning, damn it feels good to be a gangster. I get on the treadmill and everything in my body is screaming 'you can't do this, just quit, there's no point' and then I start to think about it. Do I honestly think I can't? Even after I did it yesterday? No, what I really think is, 'I don't feel like it', 'I'm tired' but not, impossible. So then I man the fuck up and do it. Yep, this is me being on my high horse.

As to eating, I've been doing okay. Yesterday I netted 242 under my goal (1250 net) and today I had 1/2 cup of oatmeal with 1/2 cup of plain yogurt, 8 almonds, and some fresh fruit (pineapple, blueberries, apple, and grapes) and cinnamon for breakfast/lunch. Haven't counted up those cals yet, but should be under 400, which is what I burned running this morning.

any other news? Not really, Oscar texted me at 4:00 in the morning to tell me he was dancing on the graves in a Prague cemetery to 'popcorn' the song I introduced him to via this video:

haha sill Frenchman, he didn't know the Swedish Chef.

Other than that it's been very quiet, I'm just getting ready now to head back on thursday morning. Oh and hopefully I'll be going out to my friend's cabin on one of the san juan islands on thursday night to meet his girlfriend. Then I turn around a do this naked painted bike ride in Seattle on saturday, then it's father's day, then I have job interviews AHHHHH next week is going to be so busy. This is definitely the calm before the storm. But I've needed this break and really enjoyed it for the most part. 

okay time for the survey questions:

Day Five- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?

Oh yeah, I'm for sure doing this for me. Sometimes I do think about all of the coaches, bitchy women, bitchy men, etc. who have teased me or commented on my weight, but usually I am just thinking about what I want to look like and feel like. I want to be the absolute best that I can be, and that's not reflected on my body right now. I look like I just spent the last four years in college binge drinking cheap beer, eating pizza and wings, and pulling all-nighters, which is exactly what I have been doing. I want to look fucking fierce, I want to be fucking strong, because the fact of the matter is, I am both of those things. I just have to make that discipline show.

Day Six- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

I haven't binged in a few weeks, and I am going to attribute that to two distinct things:

1) not being drunk. When I get drunk in the evenings, I come home and I just eat and eat and eat. The fullness makes me feel less drunk, it gives me something to do before I pass out so I don't get the spins, and it tastes delicious. This is a terrible habit, and I've been breaking it. It's a stupid way to live my life, and it never makes me feel good. 

2) eating enough during the day. Let's face it, binges often come because we restrict ourselves too much. We want to make up for the last binge, or we haven't seen the scale budge, or we've only let ourselves eat salad while the jar of nutella in the cabinet stares us down. I have forced myself to eat more during the day. If I get to the evening and have only had 500 calories, I've been making a controlled snack and eating it. I've been upping my fruit intake by a lot too, which I think helps with the sweet cravings and adds a lot of fiber, meaning I feel fuller than if I just had juice, or even a smoothie. 

I don't know if I've solved the binge eating forever, and I'm sure I'll have a few more bad days, but I am actively working to change the way I feel about food--in quantity, in quality, in viewing it as nutrition rather than an enemy or something to just fill up empty spaces. I'm trying to work smarter, not harder, to lose this weight. It's in no way easier, but the results have been better so far.

also, I've been lusting over what piercing I want to get lately, and here are some ideas. Thoughts? I have one surface piercing (a bar) on the nape of my neck already

Lovin' y'all constantly, 

-Adrian