tentative sgd, prep for nyc, bad foods

this is a preview pic from the modeling gig...I can't wait for the actual set!

Yesterday did not go so well. Breakfast was scrambled egg whites with kale and a pice of bacon (around 75 total) lunch was a two veggie spring rolls (120) and dinner was a bowl of fresh pasta with broccoli rabe (no idea, 400?). But then the drinking of red wine and smoking of pot and marathon of jeopardy began, and Oscar brought over bread with goat cheese and prosciutto. I ate a lot of it, culminating in my coming hme and eating a handful of nuts, a spoonful of peanutbutter/nutella, and a can of progresso veggie soup. Whoops~! I don't even usually like peanutbutter. weird. I also went rock climbing for an hour before my big meeting...I have a final passing date set: May 6! so I will be totally done by then. Eek!

thanks again for the comments, I thought I'd do a response:

Ariana- I was totally freaked, but me and my committee usually skype once a week to keep in touch, just never usually so early! But now I'm done with my writing, and I finished my defense for my other degree, so now it's just a matter of getting a few shitty errands done and I can be freeeee

Tai- I'm sure 60 pages will come. I've been actually working at an incredibly slow pace, I write about ten pages a wee and have taken a few weeks off. When you find something you love, there's so much to explain! It also helps that I'm doing a combination of academic and personal writing, so whenever I feel overwhelmed by the theory jargon, I can write a free form reflection and include it as an 'interruption' to the rest of the paper.

Mich- Well, I made sure only to buy enough lamb chops for one each. If there was a whole plate of them, there would be no stopping me. Strangely enough, I used to have a job where I slaughtered and butchered four lambs a week (disturbing? maybe) and I ate lamb chops or shanks about four days a week. "Terrible, yes, but great".

So in light of my apparent failure to keep myself in control without some fast rules, I've decided to tentatively scope out the SGD. I'm also doing so because I think I have really high sodium levels and hopefully SGD will help me kick some of that. Knowing how much I drink, I'm going to have to really stick to fruits and veggies in order to have enough calories for alcohol...that's a sad realization. But anyways, this morning for brunch I made myself a kind of mexican themed veggie steam that was pretty fucking good:

1 zucchini
1 leaf of kale
1 clove of garlic
1/2 small onion
1 mushroom (does this count as a veggie?)
1/4 green bell pepper
1 small tomato

steamed together with cayenne, cumin, oregano, fresh lime juice, and a splash of vinegar. Noms.

Now I'm planning n going to the gym, then hitting a few art installations around town, and then dinner! I really want to make french onion soup for everyone tonight before burlesque practice, and my thought process is that if I bake the whole thing in a large dish, I can avoid the cheese topping and breadcrumbs for myself and stick to the body of the soup, which is just sauteed onions, garlic, and beef broth. I'll serve a nice salad on the side too. We just have all these onions about to go bad, and then I saw there's gruyere in the fridge and stale bread in the cupboard...it would be a sin not to make this dish right now.

As to the 'bad foods' thing. I ate some moldy food last night before bed. Just a bite, but I knew these potatoes were past their prime before I put them in my mouth. So miss Adrian, you need to stop it! I thought it might help me to post the foods I don't eat, just to show myself that I do have control and that I don't need to rebel by eating nasty shit that's gone bad. Onward:

Never

Soda- never. not diet soda, not regular, not happening. Plain soda water is fine.

Juice- very occasionally I will use a tablespoon of juice as a dressing to fruit salad. I do not drink glasses of it, I do not use it to replace meals. About once or twice a year I break this rule, and always regret it. The only exception is when I feel a UTI coming on and then I pound back unsweetened cranberry juice.

Pizza- just not happening. the one exception to this is a homemade pizza, which I will occasionally try a bite of, but never make myself.

baked sweet goods like cake, muffins, scones- not where I'm spending my money or calories. Not things I eat. This includes waffles and pancakes. No. Something about fluffy, carby, sugary calories terrifies me. Also store bought cookies or brownies. If someone made it, I will try it. Otherwise, get it away.

milk and sugar in coffee or tea- stopped this years ago. I drink coffee black only. I tried some almond milk the other day, but no. If my tea needs a pick-me-up, I will have a slice of lemon

Rarely
these are foods that are pretty much never, but do happen from time to time:

cereal with milk: I love it, but I would eat it all. We have a fond, distant relationship.

peanut butter: this used to be a never, but over the last three months I've probably had it twice. So it's a rarely.

'fast food'- I could probably count every time I've had fast food in the last year: Taco Bell, twice, when I was stoned. McDonalds, twice, once when I was in Paris and needing something 'home'y, once when I was drunk. I think that's it. Fast food makes me really sad unless I am really fucked up. That food has no soul.

ice cream- very rarely, I will have one or two bites of someone else's. I cannot finish even a kid's serving on my own. And I like the taste, I just can't do it.

Actually, it's coming to my attention that I really personify my food a lot. Maybe it's from working on farms, or maybe it's a general ED thing, does anyone else do this? prepared food from a store or fast food chain is the worst. It has no soul, no life, no love, it cannot be eaten except in desperation. Restaurant food is alright, but not great, because it has a ritual and a pacing to it, but you don't know who made it. Food made by friends or myself is the only thing that is really 'good' because in some way, it's communion, especially if I eat seasonally. And I always get to know what went in to what I cook.

So how about you guys? Do you have things you've successfully or compulsively cut out? or some almost-never food? I'd someday like to cut out chips and candy bars. Maybe that's what I'll do for lent.

Be good, be better, stay strong!

-Adrian