long term fitness goals, short term struggles for health

You guys are probably going to be Soooooo sick of me by the end of this trip because I have hours per day to blog. Sorry sorry sorry! so let's start off with what I wrote last night before bed, shall we?


I want that six pack, I want it real bad. What will I have to do to get it?

1) plan far in advance. This is not something I can rush. I want a six pack by next summer. Maybe I'll get it sooner, but I will still have it then.

2) permanent diet changes. Potatoes will stay a once a week thing. Meats are changing over on June 16th (to no factory farmed meats, ever). I'm not having any alcohol for the next two weeks, and after that I'm going to have my choice of wine or liquor but no beer for a month. And when it comes back, it's once a week. Maybe. Eventually, this will go down as well and I'll be able to mostly cut alcohol out of my routine. I'm not in college anymore. Other than that I think I have a pretty healthy diet, but I'm sure I'll see more long term changes from there.

3) abs workouts. They will have to increase. A minimum of 100 crunches a day to start out with (starting today) including 40 left side, 20 middle, 40 right side. In addition, I'm starting serious abs workouts again. Preferably sign up for a class for the month of July.

4) cardio plan. I will increase my distance by half a mile once a week. Last week I averaged 2.5 miles, this week I will run a minimum of 3 every time. Next week I will begin 3.5, and I'll have that marathon in no time.

yesterday, in addition to my little 2.5 mile jog, I managed 200 jumping jacks, 30 pushups, 80 crunches, and 20 of my own invention super crunches. These things work me out more than anything else. lemme see if I can demonstrate (maybe there's already a name for this?)

you know the drill, ignore the pudge/giant thighs blah blah I'm wearing a dress tucked into my boxers for this ;)

the point is to do it very slowly and with perfect control,giving an extra little crunch to every move once you're in position, and always returning for a full breath in the start position and keeping that one leg perfectly controlled at 45 degrees while you tuck the other one in for your side crunch. 

p.s. you can see in the background where I'm painting...there's so much work to be done!

p.p.s. I had a nightmare again last night. I don't want them to start again, I've been doing well for months. Last night, I was in a crowd of my friends, we were pressing in too close. I saw CJ's face forced by the tide of bodies next to mine. We both looked shocked, and then... there was a knife. It was twisting back and forth between us, each us us attempting to point it away from our own bodies but the only other direction was the other woman. I said to her 'I'm so sorry', and I tried to force the knife onto her. Her eyes flashed, my strength broke, and I felt the knife enter my chest, enter my heart, and twist into my stomach. 

I woke up with a slight stomach ache, but I got back to sleep. But now, it's time again to sleep, and I'm afraid.

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Okay so that was what I had to say last night. I didn't have the CJ nightmare again, but it was an odd one considering I just finished Wintergirls. CJ is my bulimic best friend with whom I may be living in San Francisco in three months. She's amazing, and seems to be recovered from bulimia, but the two of us have definitely triggered one another when we lived together before. The thing is, now she's been diagnosed with Lupis, and it's hard for me to tell whether that's the reason she's lost so much weight or whether she's slipped back into her ED. I guess I'll know when we live together. 

Anyways, right now I'm lying in bed all warm from a bubble bath. My legs are all red from the hot water, which never happens to me. I have kind of a brown/yellow/green coloring; Oscar calls me his undead desert creature (it's somehow cute when he says it). I am still loving my grandparent's house so much. If I could convince some of my friends to move out here with me, I would be really tempted to stay here long term. My grandparents let me skip potatoes without batting an eye. They give me a big bed with enough room to stretch out, piled up so high that you need a foot stool to get into it. My grandma scratches my back and will take me to the farmer's market and not comment on what I want to eat. Yep, it's pretty much paradise. 

But I said I would get to the struggle, and so I need to stop sugar coating. I look in the mirror, and I can tell I'm gaining. I see the fat at the tops of my thighs, the way my belly button is trying to burrow itself through all the stomach-chub, and I can't weigh myself. And that means that I should eat less am not thinking straight. I ran three miles this morning and spent all day spackling/texturizing the room I'm painting. I'll do my abs workout later tonight. I skipped breakfast, and ate 838 calories in the form of:

Select Harvest mexican soup- 220

1/2 fuji apple- 64

2 pickles- 10

v8 juice- 70

3 pieces of roasted chicken- 306

12 pieces asparagus- 40

7 brussel sprouts- 53

1 piece of bread w/ butter- 50

ice burg lettuce salad- 15

and running took out 329, so my net is 509, before I do my abs. This is concerning. I feel stuffed. I should eat more. I'm probably not really full, I'm just unhappy with how I look so I'm not letting myself feel hunger. After I do abs I will got upstairs and make myself eat some dried fruits and nuts- total calorie bombs, but full of the things I need. 

other updates: not smoking and drinking is feeling really good. I should have known. 

oh and the pictures, of course

love y'all, see you soon!

-Adrian