Yep, finally. I resisted laxatives, I really don't want to get on that train, but instead I drank some 'tea' of hot water with salt and lemon. I finally feel a little emptier, happier. But my weight is still up at the High Bad Number. it's 139. Please please please be period bloating. How could I go up 9 lbs in three days with net calories below 1200? Well, let's ignore that for now. Please ignore it and don't think I'm a fatty fat failure.
Yesterday eating went...alright. I had a slice of cantaloupe and two egg whites with swiss chard for breakfast, a cup of steamed broccoli with a tsp. of cheese for lunch, half a green apple with four water crackers for a snack, and pasta with tempeh and tomato sauce and a side of swiss chard with garlic for dinner. Also a small brownie at night to celebrate Pony's visit. But NO alcohol! take THAT self. It was a lot of food, but generally pretty low calorie. Again, my phone is dead without a charger so I'll figure out calories later today. Also, I ran 30 minutes, did 10 minutes of aerobics and finished the third week of the 100 pushup challenge.
This morning I woke up late (8:30) to move my car and had 2 $10 tickets, but that's still cheaper than parking my car in a pay lot *sigh*. So things are difficult. I have to drive Pony to the airport later today, other than that my only plans are to work on my thesis and exercise. I've had 1/2 grapefruit for breakfast with three cups of coffee. And somehow I'm still a little tired.
Anyways, pretty boring update. Hopefully more will happen, tonight is Oscar's boyfriend's birthday so we're going to the bar with pool and indoor smoking. I think I'll bring my own vodka to save on calories and money, but I have a hard time hanging out and being nice to the boyfriend without at least a few drinks in me. It's difficult being in this situation. I love Oscar, but I don't want to hold him back. He and the boyfriend (I should really come up with a pseudonym for him, I'll work on that) are going to NYC this weekend, as are a few of my friends. I'd tag along with the other friends (fucking AMAZING apartment above the Cartier boutique in Midtown with no one living in it and four beds) but they're going for the funeral of a professor who died in his office earlier this week. Not exactly a party bus.
Oh also I bought a tape measure last night and updated measurements on the side bar. It's going to be a once a week thing, since I think I've probably been putting on muscle. Otherwise why would my clothes still be loose after only a 4 lbs drop?
I've seen a lot of folks down on themselves over the last couple of days, and I know I should be too. But just keep fighting! Having control in this area of my life is one of the only things that keeps me sane, even if my numbers aren't going the way I'd like them to, I still control what goes in (and out).
love,
Adrian
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