1) splitting a steak and lobster eggs benedict with Dorian at a bistro (I only had a few bites, but um, wow)
2) having a total of 5 people buy me drinks, 4 of whom were total strangers (Dorian bought me a couple beers because the club gives him drink tickets). There was an Irish dude, a Brazilian dude, an Italian dude, and a blonde woman from California. Odd bunch.
3) Seeing one of my good friends from high school and having him cook me a totally healthy meal: steamed kale with onions/garlic and roasted sweet potatoes, squash, and apples.
4) getting dressed up of course:
nothing TOO wild, but it was fun.
Some lowlights:
1) Missed the Boston Rally to support planned parenthood and women's rights. I got there right in the middle of the time-frame advertised, but everyone had gone home already. Damnit! I just stood in the cold for a while by myself.
2) ate everything. EVERYTHING. I ate an entire box of macaroni and cheese one night. I ate bagels. plural. I ate a lean cuisine fish dinner that tasted disgusting (I hate frozen and boxed food usually) but I just ate it to hurt myself. I ate a quesadilla. I had two pieces of bacon. I had beers.
3) Some women were really mean to me at this shady party we went to. I was very, very close to starting a physical fight when Dorian pulled me aside and took me home.
So yeah, there you have it. Good and bad, the food, oh man, I have no idea what got into me. I think I eat when I'm very stressed, and Dorian's house really stresses me out. I think I've talked before about how his mother is a really bad alcoholic (her liver has failed twice since I've known her) and the house is always really contentious, people not talking to one another or screaming or crying. I just try to keep to myself, since they clearly don't want me there and I don't think they like me much, but the one thing they're always encouraging about is me eating. So I eat and eat and eat and hope it will make them happy. It seems to make them happy. Or I could just try and keep myself out of that house altogether, that would probably be best.
Other news:
I think Oscar might be breaking up with his boyfriend, I can't tell yet. I also think he might be starting a new relationship with this sweet hippy boy who we met through Beast. It makes me sad that he won't talk to me about his relationships, like maybe we broke some trust somewhere.
Tony has been off speed for 5 days. He just told me, he was keeping it quiet (in case it didn't really happen?) and I'm SO happy but trying to play it cool and not let him know how worried I was.
My weight has been dropping, slow but steady. I need to update the sidebar, but I spiked back up from 130 to 138 weeks ago (before I started my period) and have been fighting to get back down since. I hoped it would just drop back down but it's clear now that it's going to be a battle so I might as well document it. I was 134 this morning, that's down from 135 most of last week. Oh I'm also updated photos and measurements today.
lastly, can we talk about the gap? No, not the brand, you know the gap I mean.
this is the pitiful extent of my knees-touching gap. I guess what is so upsetting to me is the shape...what is that nasty lard at the top? Why do my inner thighs BULGE like that an inch and a half down? chub chub chub.
that's what I want. Thighs that just go straight down. None of this wobble, just perfection. Is that so hard?
Well, that's all for now folks, I've been reading your blogs on my phone all weekend religiously, but I'm sorry I haven't commented more. I will get on it!
love,
Adrian
I went to my area's PP rally today with "Taxes pay for Boehner's, why not women's health!" on my sign. A small turnout, and we're actually Boehner's district. (They keep running college students, Catholics, and exhausted old men against him.) No counter-protesters, surprisingly enough, fun but very much preaching to the choir. Can't imagine how crazy Boston's would have been.
ReplyDeleteAlso, a gap's a gap. Many women have too narrow a pelvis to ever see one even at fairly low weights. Give yourself a break! You have thin shoulders and a fair gap, you've done well.